metamorphosis part 1

It's 1.46 am. And I am not asleep. Yet.

Awake at this time of the night brings out melancholy. Thoughts. Random thoughts would be free to roam leading me thinking to one thing to another.

Then, I realized, I had not yet reflect on the year 2011.

I hope it is not too late to look back for awhile to evaluate before putting my feet firm forward for 2012. 2011 was a roller-coaster for me. Extreme Six-Flags roller coaster inverted - in fact. I witnessed myself at its worst, and now I know the capability of my emotional downturn and the things that I am capable doing when I'm not stable, emotionally and mentally.

I had a hard fight over the career. I fought hard denying the fact that I am in the career. For the first few months, a lot of tears involved, fighting, denying, tantrums, - which when I think back, really , it was quite ridiculous. Something was absent from my head. Its the feeling of despising something to the extent that you exhibit anger to the fate that you are witnessing. One lesson that I've definitely learnt, never let anger and hatred overpowers you. Because it destroys you.

I had a really hard battle. For real. I was not really in the right state of mine.

I learned the meaning of the word depression. Depression is an extension of sadness. There is a difference between sadness and depression. Sadness is a temporary response to an event , usually of loss and some sort. Depression, on the other hand, affects behaviour, and people suffering from it withdraws from social situations, find it difficult to concentrate and get of bed, and lose activities in the things that they enjoy. Also having excessive feelings of worthlessness.

All the above, had really brought out the worst in me. But out of all the turbulence, I did find strength. I wanted to find the silver lining. Things did get better. I realized that it was just an idea that I had to be equilibrized. Someone told me the story about the butterfly. The struggling in the cocoon was just a process before you could turn into something beautiful and that you can fly. ;)

Its true when they say that it's okay to get lost sometimes, regardless, you will be found.

Well,

I was lost, then I have been found...

True story.