m y : l u l l a b y

metamorphosis part 1

2012-01-11T01:45:00.004+08:00

It's 1.46 am. And I am not asleep. Yet.

Awake at this time of the night brings out melancholy. Thoughts. Random thoughts would be free to roam leading me thinking to one thing to another.

Then, I realized, I had not yet reflect on the year 2011.

I hope it is not too late to look back for awhile to evaluate before putting my feet firm forward for 2012. 2011 was a roller-coaster for me. Extreme Six-Flags roller coaster inverted - in fact. I witnessed myself at its worst, and now I know the capability of my emotional downturn and the things that I am capable doing when I'm not stable, emotionally and mentally.

I had a hard fight over the career. I fought hard denying the fact that I am in the career. For the first few months, a lot of tears involved, fighting, denying, tantrums, - which when I think back, really , it was quite ridiculous. Something was absent from my head. Its the feeling of despising something to the extent that you exhibit anger to the fate that you are witnessing. One lesson that I've definitely learnt, never let anger and hatred overpowers you. Because it destroys you.

I had a really hard battle. For real. I was not really in the right state of mine.

I learned the meaning of the word depression. Depression is an extension of sadness. There is a difference between sadness and depression. Sadness is a temporary response to an event , usually of loss and some sort. Depression, on the other hand, affects behaviour, and people suffering from it withdraws from social situations, find it difficult to concentrate and get of bed, and lose activities in the things that they enjoy. Also having excessive feelings of worthlessness.

All the above, had really brought out the worst in me. But out of all the turbulence, I did find strength. I wanted to find the silver lining. Things did get better. I realized that it was just an idea that I had to be equilibrized. Someone told me the story about the butterfly. The struggling in the cocoon was just a process before you could turn into something beautiful and that you can fly. ;)

Its true when they say that it's okay to get lost sometimes, regardless, you will be found.

Well,

I was lost, then I have been found...

True story.

the porridge

2012-01-07T00:27:00.003+08:00

Thank you for the frequent visitors of roughly 30 a day. I must be disappointing you for the no updates. omaigod perasan.

My blogposts have been lessening. Events happened too fast to even captured in words. They say light moves faster than sound. Yes, the events took place within these few months were precisely as the theory. Probably, this is the first time, I ever sit down and make sense of the events took place these few months. How can you feel joy, excited, happy , and calm at the same time. Well, that's where I am right now.

I had a good - no, make that a kick ass - break. One month and a half of holiday really can't make up to "enough". I even felt a little oozy on the first day of work. Cancelling the Paris trip feeling absolutely nothing. What could possibly have the power to actually make Paris wait. Really, Paris can wait. I made Paris wait. I was 90 percent close to clicking the ticket while accommodation all set. and yes, it was a good decision. Then, everything just falls down nicely.

Everything just falls down perfectly.

The consequence of one event to another. Was just perfect.

It was fate.

Can you feel something brewing?

2012

2012-01-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

Hope it's not too late to wish Happy New Year. Hiatus but life had been good so far. So good it can't really really make up to 10 years of happiness multiplied. During those years I would always reflect on the year passed with hopes for the new comings.

Well, I do.

But this time, I shall keep it to myself.

Work had really sucked all the energy out of me though its been only 3 days of working. I hope my energy would keep up with that for the weeks and months coming. I'm teaching form 5 and form 1 this year plus extra positions. Penyelaras Tingkatan 1, Penyelaras SPBS, and the school launched Kelab Seni dan Kebudayaan that they happily appointed me for the dancing (tarian) biro. As much as I loved dancing, I really never saw this coming, I love dancing, but not enthusiastic enough to start and be a pioneer of a dancing club. On the positive side, well, I shall make sure my students will have something to learn from me. and also, a good body exercise.

I'll continue tomorrow.

I'm so sleepy now.

Good night.

Leaps of faith

2011-11-26T23:39:00.006+08:00

On those days, I started my blog as an anonymous. With shadows and perks of me only to be found on some pics. And I enjoyed that. The reason being is that it is very deliberating when you write without being judged, scrutinized, predicted, and mind being read. Soon, my face starts to appear on the blog through some pics normally I drag it along when telling about my trips and events. The circle of readers got expanded not only to the unknowns but to also most of my friends, acquaintance, and friends and foes alike.

How does it feel to be judged?

I don't know. I think sometimes it feels so naked. Like every part of your skin is bare to be touched. Or sometimes, it feels so liberating, almost floating as that you shared something worth writing, worth knowing for others to also ponder upon. To think, to share, to spread. Well, of course the hardest things is to make our point of view to be understood by others. It is really hard to make people believe in what they disbelieve.

But opinions and stands shapes a person. That what defines you and at most that's what most important in life so as you stick to it firm, have a reason to what you believe, heads held high when people disgusts you. Like what Rumi said once "Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah... it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you".

My mind works wonderfully too fast that sometimes its complex to comprehend.

And facts of wondering came in too fast that left a lot of unanswered questions hanging in the void. When I was little, even at school, I have a very hard time understanding the concept of "Destiny", "Fate" or "Takdir". I thought that if everything is already written for us, then what is really the use of us being on the earth as human being? Its as if we are staging an already fine scripted play. Characters, events, time, and place all sorted out. Press the play button until the long long episode end. I have a hard time understanding the concept. I asked all the scholarly Ustaz and Ustazah, parents, my granparents. And everytime they answer it, it doesn't really satisfy me.

So, do we have a say in this stage of play?

Do we have control over it? Or we don't and just follow the script? Does what we want in life have been all scripted and we are powerless to have control over it, OR we CAN do something about it? Who takes custody of your own life? Fully God's? or it's a share?

I think there is a correlation between the two that has to reach a resonance in every event, every pinpoint of occurance in life. Half of it you have control over, half of it you have NO control over. There is so much fate that we cannot control. But we can make choices. God always know what we need, where we will be, what's best for us, what's not good for us, for He knows. The puzzling part that He wants us to play the role here is to find meaning to it. It's about knowing what we want, put effort into it, pray, and see where it goes.

We are not entirely the actor of the play nor are we the sole director of the play.

It's a little of both.

It is just to know which is under our control, and which requires our effort to be steer in with concentrated effort.There is a certain calmness when we try our best in everything and even if it fails, we accept it wholeheartedly. Cos we know that's beyond our control. Itu kerja tuhan. Percaturan tuhan tiada siapa yang tahu,

and have faith.

have faith everyone.

The sun will shine after every thunderstorm.

Salam Awwal Muharram everyone.

Have a blessed year ahead.

bella luna

2011-11-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

Why do we keep referring to the past, if what matters is "today" and how we have progressed? The year had been a real battle. Emotionally, Intellectually, Mentally. Physically? Not really I saw my body fluctuates. I realized that when you are happy, you tend to take care of yourself more. There were depressive times that I refused to eat for days. Well, good bye to those days and well, I am feeling a little bit better.

No. A lot more better.

No.

Bliss...

I don't really know where this post is going really.

I used to have a lot to write.

and I'm telling you.

That I now have a reason to write.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

2011-11-02T19:03:00.004+08:00

I found this on the internet about Intoverts (which I proudly confessed as one). When you find words that can just perfectly describes you, you might want to do a double somersault and dive into the ocean.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
I say : Introverts with exceptions- with the right person they just bloom effortlessly.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
I say : A very mistakable assumption. If they appear to be withdrawn a bit, it means they are thinking.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
I say : You will often get her true colours at most. They don't really like to pretend. And they feel really exhausted to fit in. They just don't conform. They make other ppl fit in to their conditions. Well, with few exceptions.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
I say : Make friends of quality not quantity. I have only few and I stick to them - regardless.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
I say : This is so F****** TRUE. omg omg I'm leaping heads to toes. The need to recharge after a long day. To process the whole thing that had happened. *jaws dropped. (Still).
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
I say : Somewhat true. So pardon for the shut -you-offs, the absence, the hiatus. They need the space to make things straight, to gather themselves. Doesn't mean they don't need you. Just make them know that you will bethere when they're ready to open the door.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
I say : Non-conformist (As Ain says to me). =) I so love the last sentence. They make decision on what defines them, not what's in.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
I say : The world is getting weary and the least you can do is to make sure that you yourself is happy. And try to affect other people around you too.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
I say : Somewhat true. But I kinda need that certain adrenaline rush at times. But I do noticed after a night's laugh and too much fun would soon wear me out fast.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
I say : I consider myself as an Introverted extrovert and also an Extroverted Introvert.

Life 101

2011-11-02T17:32:00.001+08:00

Its not just great teachers that shape your life. Sometimes it's the absence of great teachers - can do just as good.

You learn best from experience. School didn't really teach you much. University, college didn't really teach you much. They didn't teach you on what to do when you have zero money, or how to make your boss to shut the fish off, or Surviving Life 101 skills. No. They didn't. Theories are just to complement only after you realized what you did. The advent of theories is not incidental and doesn't come natural. It's only after someone who had experience it, and some other just had the decency to observe it, and come up with a synthesis. They experiment it in few occasions again, and what they assume to be a repeated behaviour and belief soon derive to the notion of theories.

The absence of the great teachers that had really helps you define life - according to each one's belief.

These are the things that a book published titled "Things that your Teachers didn't Teach at School" or "What your parents didn't teach you at Home". It's the things that you pick up along years of living. So, up until now, measure yourself - How much have you learnt? Measuring the percentage to which you've learnt is really subjective. It's up to how much you've developed, expanded, and flourished (or fall). It's up to the par that you set. The aims, the goals. Do you measure against yourself or against your best friends? or against your rivals?

But hear again, expectations and measurements changes as you develop. What might be enough today might now be enough tomorrow.

So the question is.

When do you know that it is already enough?

la vie

2011-10-02T20:41:00.002+08:00

Maybe that's something I'm good at, maybe that's something I'm not.

Some asked me why did I stopped writing. I never said I've stopped writing. It's just that I find my daily routines stagnant to the same cycle impeding me to write.

Or maybe I haven't been looking hard enough.

Reading what you write, makes me think.

Well, I'm here to tell you.

That.

I sometimes wish I could stop thinking.

When she looks like she's daydreaming, well she is not.

She's trying to make herself to stop to think.

Il Dolce Far Niente

2011-10-02T14:35:00.001+08:00

My fingers now are dancing on the keyboard again.

Well, hello.

It's been awhile.

James Blunt

2011-08-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

=)

2011-08-04T19:26:00.000+08:00

2011-08-02T19:12:00.000+08:00

2011-07-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

I SHALL BE NO LONGER HERE.

HEHE.

WAIT WAIT WAIT.

2011-07-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

I MISS AUCKLAND

HOME YET FAR AWAY

For you and me

2011-07-20T22:01:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul. He breaks our heart to make us whole. He sends us pain so that we can be stronger. He sends us failure so that we can be stronger. He sends us illness so that we take care of ourselves better. Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us"

2011-07-10T22:10:00.003+08:00

I hate the fact that when I go to hairdressers the first thing they would say is

"Your hair is very thick, trim bagi nipis sikit eh?"

When really

I don't mind my hair thick! I just love it thick!!!!!!!!!

They just don't get it.

I'm not into those thin korean choppy layered hairstyles.

I love it thick and big and thick and thick n thick n thick.

I woke up today

2011-07-10T22:05:00.003+08:00

smiled and can't help but think.

We're in the same time zone today.

Gosh.

I can literally smell you.

*sniff*

wherE?

2011-07-10T21:11:00.006+08:00

I long to get immersed in reading and do nothing. Missed the classics. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. Pride and Prejudice. Read it twice. But the movie with Keira Knightley sucked. We watched the prolonged intensified version of the story that took about 5 hours of series in college.

That was awesome.

That book Darcy's Stories, haven't finished it yet. Still in the middle. Well, maybe from last year, untouched. Still with the pages longing to be touched. There is something of classics that the contemporary books can't relish. Sense and Sensibility is good too. Persuasion. Jane Eyre.

Just Penguin Classics with peppermint tea on a morning. Perfect.

I've missed the Royal wedding that day.

Grace Kelly and Queen Rania was (is?) my idol.

Elegance and grace. Both defined.

and maybe Carla Bruni.

and I love how sick Angelina Jolie looks like in the movie Salt.

Adding to the list.

Where has all the passion gone?

Where?

P

2011-07-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

EXCITED!!!!

sedang terbang 10 000 kaki di udara

have a safe trip home

Feast your life

2011-07-08T19:22:00.001+08:00

Its hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. Its hard to be the one who stays.

I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. Work until I am tired. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on he edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?

-Prologue from The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Behind my smile is a story that you'll never understand

2011-07-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

Parce-que je me souviendrai que tous les chansons que vous avez chante

losing a dice

2011-07-05T17:19:00.003+08:00

I've got a few offers.

Right now so hard to decide.

Been called for the PTD interview.

Promising. PTD or Masters?

so hard.

and I don't care my SPP. What does that mean?

gosh.

I don't want to do your work because it is not important

2011-07-05T17:04:00.007+08:00

It's hard to be staying in a place that you don't speak their language. More to say is that when its with a bunch of immature-s. When you have a bunch of people that is acting as if they are smarter than you, and that they throw out words like they're the big shot. And when you are just a person that likes to walk away from the talkings, you will be the oppressed. I like to walk away from ugly situations because I know I can do cruel things, say cruel things, and talk back that they would wish they have been saner before uttering such words. And even when you have the right to be mad and angry, it doesn't mean you can be so. And they don't worth my time.

Really not the same wavelength. Really.

I just don't know what went wrong this time.

What went wrong.

Mahatma Gandhi says there are 7 deadly sins that can cause world chaos.

Wealth without work

Pleasure without conscience

Science without humanity

Knowledge without character

Politics without principle

Commerce without morality

Worship without sacrifice

And you are in the 4th group.

A smart ass but a fool.

Jason Mraz - You and I Both

2011-06-27T18:25:00.003+08:00

Best "Goodbye" song ever created.

You and I Both - Jason Mraz

2011-06-27T18:17:00.000+08:00

http://youtu.be/oieBnV_HFB0

How Starbucks take over the world

2011-06-25T13:31:00.004+08:00

Me : *Endless ranting about life as it is*

Zt : But at least you have Starbucks you know?

Me : *pause*

hahhahahhahahahaha.

I bring a book everywhere I go so that I don't feel awkward sitting alone

2011-06-25T13:08:00.005+08:00

Newtown, Sydney

Date a Girl Who Reads

by Rosemary Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

You can now find me on the "Self-Help" section in bookstores

2011-06-25T11:56:00.011+08:00

My story starts like a million others.

When you've entered a phase when entering your first job (mind the "first" as it really means that you're not gonna be in the job for long), the next crisis of life rises. Mid-life crisis. A mid-life crisis might occur anywhere from about age 37 through the 50s , a psychologist says but really for me, it had occur in my quarter life. It's what that Elizabeth Gilbert in the book "Eat Pray Love" did when one day she decided to leave her job and husband to travel. It's the Elizabeth Gilbert moment. And yes, I am having that moment now.

For Elizabeth Gilbert, it's the time in life when you do outrageous, impractical things like quit a job impulsively, buy a red sports car, or dump your spouse. It conjures to all these images. It's a transition that we go not necessarily means all bad - I hope. Though this term of crisis really had lead me to a pretty deep and serious depression, on a positive side, in my opinion, it can also mark a period of tremendous growth. The trick, of course, is to realize when the transition is developing into depression so you can get help.

I had a brutal battle against my mind and will to go on each day. To fight each day, in a realm that is out of my preference. Those days when I heard from others that the true problem is not about the job, but because "the system" that you're in, I didn't understand. I didn't understand of how much can "the system" knock you down lifeless that you struggle to bring yourself up everytime it does that to you. Now, I understand. And I'm telling you, it's not worth it. When you've seen something bigger, something real, something that is way better, whatever that conjures to you after - you would scrutinize.

After what's been going on lately, I could swear life is out there to get me. He's either just one step ahead or one step behind. Getting tired of this rat-race. Nothing turns out the way I planned, not even the smallest things. And the more I fail, the more I want things to work out. And the more my mind would think of "what ifs".

I just didn't expect "change" to be so difficult.

I don't know what I want in life now. Mapped out some options. Scared which to choose. It would be a very big great leap of phase. But for whatever that I deserve right now, I don't think I belong there.

And effing I don't mind living with a quarter million worth of debt.

Lets see in 10 years if I would regret thinking that.

I wish I had more time

2011-06-19T12:11:00.004+08:00

I never feel I have enough time.

I get angry at my physiological necessities like sleep and nourishment because they take so much time. I wish we didn't have to sleep so much or that the day would be at least 30 hours long. I also get frustrated when I think about the amount of information out there.

Where do I start? How can I set my priorities? I wanna know everything, cause I barely know what I like. I'm here and there. I'd like to know a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I have yet to find one thing I can consider so fascinating that I can give it my full attention. There is really too much noise in the world there is. I've stopped watching the news. Well, I can say it has almost been 6 months of news-free life. I've been relying on BH and NST twitter updates. Can't care less about the politic situation in Malaysia as they are still, immature as ever and it's sad to see how your own race haven't developed cognitively even after years. I look more on global issues and on things that are much more graver than the AI sex tape. The media shapes us? or we shape the media? Or maybe we should just choose to read and know what we want to know.

I found out the painful way that the adult life is a lot different that what you imagined as a child or teenager. When I was a teenager I can't wait to grow up and reach my 20's. I said to myself that I will want to lead a good life and do what I love and make changes to the world. I was 16 and reading was my passion. I read Newsweek, TIMES, and National Geographic. I saw so much of the world that I can't wait to put my own hands on it. Touch lives, change to the world. I dreamt of changing the world, but as I grew up realized that it's so hard to influence even the smallest things. The world is turning to a very weary place. People don't appreciate things anymore. And I'm trying to appreciate small little things. Small little pleasures. Though at times those little things can be too overrated and can't do good to you enough.

So I'm trying to discipline my thoughts, telling myself that I have to take things one step at a time. In order to help somebody else I need to learn to help myself. There are so many things I need learn and apply.

The only thing keeping me from falling apart right now is my loved ones. We are in this together and I keep telling myself that if we stay strong, eventually, we are going to make it. Without them I'll continue to be stuck in this vicious circle of powerlessness.

We are not sisters by birth but sisters by heart

2011-06-17T20:12:00.001+08:00

Dinner : Italiennies , The Gardens, KL.

2011-06-17T20:00:00.001+08:00

cheval

2011-06-17T19:46:00.002+08:00

I think I need to search for something to do. Like Equestrian at the Penang Turf Club. Riding lessons every weekends wouldn't do no harm. Well, not gonna elaborate on it until my first class (If I ever enrol to the Club). Wanted to try golf, since ayah's golf "thing" ? "club"? "set?" is in the store might be worthwhile to try. But I can't imagine me, n just the caddy walking around the range. I'll look like sooo.. I don't know, out of place? and it is way too boring for me. I'm checking that horse-riding and will probably start soon after August. I bought the Milkadeal KickBoxing Class promotion getting 5 classes for RM10 instead of RM100. So looking forward to it but at the moment other things are occupying my free time. Kickboxing looks so awesome but I'm not sure if I am really that type but worth a try babe! Just as expected. 2 more weeks of no weekends. A lot of things have been going along lately. Awesome stuffs. Bad stufs. Start with the 2 weeks of holidays. Returned to KL. Had a blast meeting the friends. Then the Singapore Trip. Then the endless back and forth to various Universities in KL and also the Bahagian Biasiswa Putrajaya.

So, I guess I'm back. =)

pauper

2011-05-25T23:56:00.005+08:00

This Friday I'm back in KL for the whole 2 weeks holidays. n I'm so happy.

n Naima, I love you so much. Because we're making time for each other and so looking forward to it. Miss you like hell, missy. Though you always replied my sms-es 4 days after and facebook msgs one week after.

Really I don't know where to scratch money from for the next trip after Auckland and Sydney.

Well, lets start with stop starbuck-ing for awhile.

But regardless ,

Singapore, here we come!

I hope, jadi.

Terribly need this

2011-05-25T22:39:00.001+08:00

Al-Baqarah 2:286 -

"On no soul doth God place a burden greater than it can bear. it gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (pray:) our Lord! condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! lay not on us a burden like that which thou didst lay on those before us; our Lord! lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear".

so far yet so near

2011-05-25T20:14:00.006+08:00

Called one of my students out from class during Agama to ask for attendance. While ticking the attendance outside he asked :

Student : Teacher, kenapa Al-Quran diturunkan secara berperingkat bertahun2 lama?

Stopped ticking, PAUSED. Think hard. I should know the answer, come on. Looked at him and answered,

Me : Supaya mudah untuk orang terima, secara berperingkat, bukan lump sum. Installment. Dan semua diturun secara berperingkat mengikut peristiwa. Dan secara logiknya, mudah untuk mereka hafal.

Student : Oh, okay teacher, thanks.

I don't know why, but it really does made my day. Today. =)

Despite, well , you. =)

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name.

2011-05-24T15:19:00.002+08:00

When I was little, I like to dream a lot. I dream of princesses and living in a land far away waiting for a knight to rescue me from the tower with me wearing big flowy gowns. And I think that is why the name dreamer there. Lullaby? It just sounded so soothing. And also, I have big dreams. And yes, I do have plans.

Rainy day makes me so lazy.

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts.

2011-05-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

As you get older you find it harder to find 15 interesting facts about you cos it doesn't really matter anymore compared to when you are 19? Anyways. I'll try.

1. I think I have paradoxical personalities that sometimes conflicted in the extreme. She can be nice, and cruel (given the time). She could charge full forward, and also writhed in a swamp of reluctance.

2. I count the hours I had slept for when I wake up. Weird. Right?

3. Still thinking hard to find another 12 interesting facts.

4. I love the smell of fresh laundered clothes.

5. I love chocolates.

6. Okay. I'm gonna end the list here.

My 30 Day Blog Challenge

2011-05-21T21:41:00.003+08:00

I figured this will be something interesting. So. Today starts the 30 Day Blog Challenge!

* Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts.
* Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name.
* Day 3: A picture somewhere you want to travel
* Day 4: Your parents.
* Day 5: A song to match your mood.
* Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy.
* Day 7: Favorite movies.
* Day 8: A place you’ve traveled to.
* Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend.
* Day 10: Something you’re afraid of.
* Day 11: Favorite tv shows.
* Day 12: Something you don’t leave the house without.
* Day 13: Goals.
* Day 14: A picture of you last year – how have you changed?
* Day 15: Quran verses.
* Day 16: Dream house.
* Day 17: Something you’re looking forward to.
* Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat.
* Day 19: Something you miss.
* Day 20: Nicknames.
* Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
* Day 22: What’s in your purse?
* Day 23: Myself in the future
* Day 24: Something you’ve learned.
* Day 25: Something you crave a lot.
* Day 26: Your Dream Wedding.
* Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in.
* Day 28: Something that stresses you out.
* Day 29: 3 Wishes.
* Day 30: A picture of yourself this day and 3 good things that happened since you started the challenge.

observation

2011-05-21T17:25:00.002+08:00

Observation for today:

"Never ever held the handbag for the girlfriend unless she asks you to when she's to the toilet."

2011-05-21T17:02:00.002+08:00

"We're smiling but we're close to tears"

For the First Time - The Script

Vanilla latte pulak

2011-05-21T14:34:00.002+08:00

I am at QB Starbucks.

Allie asked me to figure twitter. She said you can tweet with famous artist and all.

I have an account. But not yet kot. To be socially active.

Starbucks and still marking. Like penat gila hell baca scripts.

3.59 (Part 1)

2011-05-21T12:52:00.007+08:00

When I arrived in Sydney on the 29th April, (mind this is the 2nd time traveling alone to a place) and before I meet the person that I'm suppose to meet, I lodged in at KingsCross (like wth did I go there). Probably because of the name is like the Harry Potter's train station before they go to Hogwarts. It was so tempting. I got the privilege to meet some other lodgers from Germany and France. I was so oozy that morning, so I slept for 4 hours as soon as I arrived before saying Hi to them. Sydney was still somewhat familiar that I can still remember the streets and so, it was quite a breather from the hectic 4 weeks work crammed into 2 weeks. I didn't really had sleep the night before the flight. Well, I was sleeping the whole time in the flight. The MAS flight from Penang to KL was delayed and thus making me running around KLIA as I've arrived in KLIA during the KL-Sydney flight boarding time. Thanks to these nice Japanese travelers that don't really understand English but nice enough to understand that I'm late so they put me in front of the line for the immigration check. I could have hugged them tight!

Nice Japs!

I had a nice warm shower, shampooed my hair. While getting ready, the other mates had already woken up and so we had a chat. The Germany girl I forgot her name was one beautiful girl I've ever seen. It was next to the South African lady I met during my work at Waldorf, Auckland (which I forgot her name as well). Very amazingly beautiful and very hobo at the same time. She had a batik pillow case and slept in kaftan and had all these ethnic bags and bracelets. Like any travelers, they would just start off asking where are we from etc. So off with the traveler's tale. She told a lot of things about her travel experience and that day was about the 4th month he's out of her country for a one year round the world trip. The tales they tell makes me feel so small to the world. She just arrived from Bali and so, at last we had a common basis to talk about as I am deeply in love with Bali and would love to go there again. Especially to Ubud, the arts and crafts town which held beautiful small cafes, and art scenes far from the Beach of Kuta.

She was in love with the town too. So we were talking about Ubud.

Endlessly.

She has her belief about traveling. She is an avid traveler. She was pointing out of how people travel to places and just take pictures to prove that they werethere. Like, you might stopped by Paris for one day and took a snap at the Eiffel tower, and put it into a frame and said you've been there done that. She was talking of how, traveling is not about just taking pictures here and there and at every possible monuments at the place. But it is also about getting engaged in the community. Seeing how they live. Mix around, talk with the locals. Getting involveThen, only you will have a sense of the country, the place. So, she isn't interested going to the malls and shop. She would go to the streets, allies, local cafes, small bookshops. I was like "Can we be friends and travel together?". So, she would spend like 2 weeks at a place before moving to another. So I asked her "Where are you going next?". Then she said "I'm not sure yet". And smiled.

She sounded so sure about herself.

Then we went out for coffee and toast.

There. Starts my 2nd trip to Sydney.

I thought there was nothing that would bring me back to Sydney again.

Well if you refer to my post in 2009 about my trip there.

This time .

10 days in Sydney.

Hosted. =)

the coffee in the milk

2011-05-20T22:45:00.002+08:00

That's my brother. Can u spot the only Asian there?

That's what he's been doing now in Poland.

No. People over there say that he's from Pakistan. Or Iran.

and I said Hell no.

He's playing for the district and got paid.

it's the smallest little thoughts

2011-05-20T21:49:00.010+08:00

We should have had a Teacher's Day celebration today but because inspectorates are coming next Tuesday, as my school is nominated for Cluster School, everybody is just busy as a bee upgrading everything that couldn't have happened in 3 years time, but can just happen overnight. Like suddenly the canteen had table edges with frills and banners here and there and new curtains. I have no comment on this but, yeah, whatever. Well, if we got this, the school will get half a million and we can do anything with the money.

Well, I don't really get it.

I have a very strong belief that teaching should be the core business and the side dishes are not so important as long as we can get the main business kicking. I'm doing all I can for my 5 MPV (all boys class that takes air-con subject). For I feel I am more needed there, and they are one cool bunch that may not be the greatest at English. Some can't even read and understand simple English but boy just hearing them speak English with me is a rare pleasure that could just lit smiles on my face. And one of them even came to me personally and said "Cikgu boleh tolong saya tak? Cikgu fotostat simple simple latihan English yang basic bagi saya buat". My heart leaped of joy. It took an effing 3 months to gage them. So I guess it was all worth it. I don't aspect them to get an A in SPM which if they can, it is of their own effort and I am more happy if they can. But to cram in 5 years worth of English lessons in less than 6 months is unrealistic. All I can do is to give them something meaningful, that they can apply in life. Talk. Like introducing yourself during interview. Something street-wise.

Like introducing Anwar Hadi youtube videos and have them quoting him here and there.

Cerita lain.

Today somebody left a paper bag near my car. A teacher's day present with a small card written "Thank you for teaching me to be a better person in the future". Not exactly like that, but with a lot of grammatical errors. Ended with From : Your secret admiyerer.

I don't think it comes from my good class, but whoever you are, really. Thank you.

Made my day.

Deux

2011-05-20T20:12:00.002+08:00

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

coffee machine

2011-05-20T19:38:00.002+08:00

a love story of a guy and his first love.

that's what the story is about.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

how I've grown

2011-05-18T22:23:00.001+08:00

happy

2011-05-18T22:04:00.001+08:00

Harry Potter makes me happy.

It reminded me of my carefree days.

Just getting lost in it.

Just a Dream - cover

2011-05-18T21:05:00.001+08:00

Jar of Hearts

2011-05-14T18:57:00.001+08:00

money is our new gawd

2011-05-14T15:49:00.006+08:00

When you thought that you've hit rock bottom, I always reminded myself that there are others who are experiencing something worse than I am.

I need to be constantly be reminded by that. To be thankful where I am. But to which extent that we can only compare ourselves with those who are less fortunate than us. What about those that reached the high stars. Are they just lucky? or are we comparing with those who are lesser to just make ourselves feel better. Dreams and ambition. Where do they have a say in that?

When you've reached to a certain age. To a certain phase. Like my phase. You will start evaluating your life. How far you've come, what baggage you carry, how much does all this worth, and how long can you stand. You got a job, then you start to question where does all of this worth? When you had much more greater experience before, you start to compare the two. You start to rebel against the system. When you've seen more, you refuse to accept what your eyes see. Deceiving. You clung to the old thoughts and refuse to progress. Or maybe you are just refusing to blend in. That's where all the dissatisfaction comes from. You refuse to blend in. The question is - how long can you stand? How long can you stand, standing against the flow. Paving in the hard running stream towards you- wading yourself in.

Pragmatism.

I break down many times. Many effing times but still managed to put a smile on my face everyday to see the kids. It's hard doing something against your will. Every morning you wake up wondering "Fuck, what am I doing? Why the hell- I'm suppose to be somewhere else". Couraged yourself with the belief there is something better will lead out of this. Something good will come out of this. Faith was all that kept me going. And also them. I want to help them.

Govin works with ayah. Before, he was working as a flight attendant with Singapore Airlines for 3 years. Then he quits. I went like "Gosh, you had the most awesome work in your life, traveling and paid (which constitutes a lot of money)". He said it was a great job but he couldn't stand the long overhaul trips serving customers which doesn't really use a lot of the brain's capacity. So he quits for a more mind blogging job that scrape all his brain's capacity. haha. but yeah, he's enjoying it eventhough the pay halved than he got from Singapore Airlines.

Then we have emotional satisfaction. You are lucky when you have a job that's financially and emotionally rewarding. For Govin, it's more to emotionally rewarding job. But during recession times like this, I am at blur to which is more important. Like fuck the front page and prime news is still about "The Opposition leader's sex tape" when there are actually other more important and crucial matter to be exposed like "Malaysia's inflation status is reaching about 40 percent and what can Malaysians do to help our economy". The pay. The pay for a graduate, can barely even support ourselves. KAN? We have now more financial commitments than our forefathers have. Lets start with "broandband bills". That should do it.

I'm not sure actually what I'm writing. Just digested it from my head.

p/s: just don't translate the title literally. Note for the fickle-minded.

Sydney

2011-05-11T16:26:00.003+08:00

So I spent 10 days at the place.

And didn't see the Opera House and Harbour Bridge.

But I saw more than that.

Someone said Opera House and Harbour Bridge is overrated.

So as the french girl I've met over the stay said "Paris is overrated".

moolahs

2011-05-11T07:13:00.001+08:00

=(

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

=D The Story

2011-05-04T20:36:00.001+08:00

Graduation

2011-05-03T11:26:00.000+08:00

tomorrow, Emerald green hood.

2011-05-03T11:21:00.003+08:00

Breathing the new yet fammiliar air is exhilirating.
Everything is just so fine right now. Great. Awesome. Calm.
Thank you.
To you.

For creating the purpose.

4 days in Sydney, few days in Auckland.

Then a lot more days in Sydney again.

Eff. Tak nak balik.

Sydney and Auckland. Hi again.

2011-04-28T19:30:00.001+08:00

12 days out of Malaysia. =D

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

2011-04-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

2011-04-22T17:01:00.005+08:00

Mental stagnation?

no.

Sydney and Auckland.

yeay.

Break.

Been receiving a lot of letters from Auckland Uni.

I'm smelling the Auckland air already.

Kebab, taro milk tea at Hulucat, Hazelnet Coffee at Esquires, Kebab again, butter chicken at Uni cafe, pies from that uni kedai runcit I forgot the name, commons internet, Angie's kitchen, Ayyuthaya, Auckland breeze, Takapuna beach, Mission bay. Coffee walks in the morning, just sitting watching people, that green public bus in Auckland I forgot. Yes! It's LINK. at that shopping place Dress Mart and that lavish street selling things after the 1.60 bus ride, then we have, chocolate boutique. Then, just the breezy Auckland, City of Sails.

Can I not sleep in Auckland, afraid that's the last time I'll be there.

Okay, tarik balik. Afraid I'm gonna eat my words.

Like what happened to Sydney.

compact

2011-04-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

source : tumblr

2011-04-11T17:54:00.000+08:00

*Most 'First Class' students get technical seats, some become Doctors, some CAs and some Engineers.

* The 'Second Class' pass, and then pass MBA, become Administrators and control the 'First Class'.

* The 'Third Class' pass, enter politics and become Ministers and control both.

* Last, but not the least, The 'Failures' join the underworld and control all the above.

Elles passent en un instant

2011-04-10T11:49:00.005+08:00

Some people may not realize, but the number of friends or the quality times we get to spend with our friends (and family) actually decrease from time to time.

Not that they become enemies, but they just get farther from you. Most of my friends from high school don't live around the block that we could meet up every weekends and free time, hanging out in the malls. My school friends are from everywhere, since we live in a boarding school and it's been only at rare occasions that we get to see each other eversince we graduated from high school. After school, it didn't help either, we expanded to all parts of Malaysia and to all seven continents. Well, to say, my best friend is studying in India and it had been almost 4 years since we meet each other but we could still laugh , make silly jokes, and laugh at each other on the net. Well not to say May in Germany, Marini in France while me in New Zealand, and even when I've already returned, they still are there. Even my friends here in Malaysia, we can even barely make time for each other and God I miss all of you.

My friends seem to sit on the outer side of an expanding ball that keeps growing bigger, and here I sit on the very core, struggling as it feels more distant to reach out. My friends and I still live within the same sphere though, so I know that they are and will always be around. We all just grow, evolve, branch out, which is why the ball grows bigger. There’s nothing wrong with it, of course. It's only at times like this, I just want someone to stay with me in this very core. Speaking of expanding balls, it kinda reminded me of the Zorb experience in Rotorua.

Sempat tak nak pergi Rotorua lagi sekali during NZ trip? hmm.

Handsome.

In between everything I have done till today, I just wished you were there. To witness it all. To look at me when I needed someone to land my eyes on when I was nervous. To smile at when I remembered a joke.

And your jokes. Of course.

girl crush

2011-04-08T23:16:00.001+08:00

She's so beautiful.

I love how the camera just zooms only to her face.

Just perfectly beautiful.

swan

2011-04-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

It doesn't feel like it no more. Everything is so wrong.

Haish.

damsel in distress

2011-03-25T19:23:00.004+08:00

Craving for days to just sit down and relax. Book in hand, nice weather. Strolling in the park. Flowers blooming. Just sitting doing nothing. Night walks. Morning walks. Coffee and feel the breeze caressing my face. Comfy in cotton clothes. Smell the lotion on my skin. All comfy on the sofa.

Time zoomed so fast that I can barely figure out what's happening around me.

I now don't even remember when I last shampooed my hair.

Kidding.

No. That day I forgot to apply on the conditioner.

It felt weird because I don't forget those kind of things.

n just no appetite.

haish.

There are certain parts that had been making my days.

Happy weekend everyone.

For me? It's just another unweekend weekend.

the boy reminds me of Josh Hartnett

2011-03-25T18:55:00.003+08:00

Scene : 0.30-0.46

It's cliche, but dulu-dulu always hope something like that could've happened. Tapi sekolah kat Malaysia takde locker room.

Haha.

3.59 is so beautiful.

stagnant

2011-03-21T22:08:00.002+08:00

Commitments come with a cost. It is impossible to be juggling all at once and still be awesome in all of it. Like the billionnaire Kimora Lee Simmons claiming that growing up her 3 kids is a tough job and mind you, she has 3 maids, a private chef, 3 different mansions in three different states, has a line of fragrance, clothes, and married to the guy named Djimoun.

And she still complains about growing up her three kids.

Well. This post is pointless.

I just thought I had something to write.

Darn.

You're in that stagnation HN, stagnant.

Get a life.

Converse

2011-03-20T23:06:00.004+08:00

Ummi always complain about how dirty my white shoes gets and still me not budging to wash it. They didn't know that some shoes especially Converse Chuck Taylor is that the more beaten up it looks, the more cooler it gets. and way stylish in its own way.

Do not ever wash your Converse.

Because every Converse has a story.

moolahs

2011-03-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

perfection

.
Watched Black Swan that day kinda makes me search for my ballet pointe when I was back home. Though the story is so mind-fucking. I think I want to watch it again.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

apple pie jam tart

2011-03-18T21:13:00.007+08:00

Lets see. Holiday passed kinda like so effing fast. I've noticed a decline of my English eversince I entered highschool again. I'm sounding like one of 'em too. 1 school day equals to 9 days of holidays. I'm not lying. Can't wait for Sydney and Auckland.

Sydney is the hot one.

Auckland is the sweet one.

Am visiting them with Chloe and Stella. Miss Dior Cherie is too young.

One thing for sure that I've failed is that to have long lustrous big hair down to the waist. Everytime it reaches elbow length I have the tendency to trim it (with the belief of cutting 1 cm) but always ended with 3cm shorter than it should - thanks to the brilliant hair-dresser. I dare say that out of my years living, I am truly satisfied with this one truly Korean hair dresser in Auckland. If I had the money I truly wanted to hire him as my personal hair-dresser (vain). He just understood me completely what I want and never a day that I return home dreadful after paying him a hair-cut visit.

Am totally going to get my hair done in Auckland this May.

And now not possessing NZD, the price would be effing ridiculous.

the clicks

2011-03-18T14:59:00.003+08:00

These few months, I've kinda learned a lot of things about myself that I kinda think it is true , and just strengthened the belief that deep down, I'm still the old HN that is very stubborn and life still haven't fail to have it's own complicated drama for me. But I refuse to see how hard it is for whatever is happening to just roll the dice and see what happens. I'm also learning when to switch on and switch off. That's how they master life. Mastering the switch. Switch on and switch off.

Knowing when to do that.

Is an art.

dream

2011-03-17T22:15:00.003+08:00

picture source : google

If one day I have my own house. I wouldn't want it to be big and lavish. I like it to be minimalist. Little cozy house, practical, and compact. Memang berangan. Want to live in a studio. Like in the movie PS I Love You or most American sitcoms. Though in Malaysia, studio apartment jarang. Means, I have to live overseas. =p

Gaddafi makes Hitler look like human

2011-03-16T10:39:00.002+08:00

There is a reason being of why I don't read the newspapers and the tv news nowadays.

Because there is too much noise. I used to be someone who keep updated with everything. Especially what's going on with the world. War, natural disasters, politics, current affairs, and Bieber haircut. But seems that doesn't matter to me anymore. Or I was just afraid of seeing how weary and sad and cruel the world is becoming. Or I was just disgusted by the information overflow. When the media should be worrying something more important rather than Bieber's haircut. Millions in Libya is getting massacred, and the headlines still is about Bieber's haircut. In Malaysia, well, the immature political scenes makes me more want to throw up. They're like kids. For God sake. Macam takde benda lain lagi nak jadi headline for Berita Utama. Sometimes I don't know of whether where to get information.

Which is more important? Recency? Or Relevancy?

How do you update yourself? Read the newspaper's headlines? and then read the blogs on the net to fill in what the paper is missing? Or the other way round? Or you don't read at all.

There is too much noise in our world today.

=)

2011-03-16T09:19:00.000+08:00

Anne

2011-03-14T08:07:00.003+08:00

Anne, 2007

It's been awhile since I hold the DSLR. Dah lama tak amik gambar guna SLR. Banyak guna compact camera, phone (most of the times), and now I have a Fujifilm Instax polaroid equivalent. That's Anne 4 years ago. An adopted cat of our block in the KL apartment. When I take pictures I'm not sure what's the purpose. But mostly I'll take a picture when my eyes say so. Sometimes I see something worth capturing, but I didn't snap it. Some are just more beautiful captured in the mind.

at 7.30am

2011-03-14T08:01:00.001+08:00

lewat bayar bill 1 hari kena potong.

tutt lah.

Beastly was awesome

2011-03-12T10:32:00.002+08:00

When I hear all these disasters around sometimes, I'm scared. Yang termaktub tu sedang berlaku kan? Kita takut, tapi tak takut pada masa yang sama. Denial. We try to shift our thoughts to other more possible important things. I hope Allie in Japan is safe. That place yang kena tu, dekat je dengan tempat ayah pernah kerja dulu.

The frequency of natural disaster is escalating at an alarming rate per year. Did you noticed?

Tutti Frutti

2011-03-10T20:33:00.005+08:00

Despite the loads of unread books I've bought. I've been constantly searching for the book "Looking for Alaska" by John Green since I lost the book years ago but that's one of my fav. Young adult fiction about traveling n this guy who loves this girl on boat. I was way to Borders and MPH, since they are all out of stock. I ordered from Borders QB, and still waiting. and Penang ada Tutti Frutti. Damn awesome I can live in this Island forever now. Tutti Frutti @ Island Plaza.

Jom siapa nak ikut.

Firework (Katy Perry) Baby (there's a reason why)

2011-03-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

Tadi tak pergi swimming pun. Tidur.

cleaning up my closet

2011-03-07T17:58:00.004+08:00

I'm slowly building my pace and catching up with the new schedule. Time moves so fast and adapting to new things around, keeps me so occupied. I'm catching up slowly. Building the blocks, getting used to the new time. New deadlines, new people, new surroundings. I'm catching up with the theatres and activities around in USM. Searching infos, shows, exhibitions. Haven't been through interesting things lately. Except students call me Ana Raffali. Sebab main gitar dalam kelas pakai baju kurung. and they short formed me to CHN. yes, Cik HN.

Love that one though.

Hehe.

CHN

2011-03-07T17:55:00.002+08:00

Mari swimming malam ini.

Sekiranya masih lagi larat.

Dah lama tak mengamalkan cara hidup sihat.

Asyik dengan lesson plan je.

=) dari ummi

2011-03-06T21:14:00.001+08:00

Good luck Hanis for the upcoming challenge- semuga Allah memberi laluan yang mudah dalam apa jua yang hanis cita-citakan...Go n go for it..

discovery

2011-03-06T08:32:00.007+08:00

They always ask me the meaning of words. Everytime they do, I always said that when you don't understand a word, it doesn't necessarily means that you have to get the meaning per say to be able to understand the whole sentence. Put it into the context, and have a guess. I don't always give the meaning of the word straight to the student. I always asks them to re-read the sentence and have a guess. When they fail to get the meaning, I give another example of a sentence using the word and most of the time by then, they would get the meaning already. Most of the time I do that because I don't want them to understand the language or a word to0 rigidly. Language aren't suppose to be like that. Then they would ask how do I know all these words? I said MTV, Hollywood and books. I said, my English teachers, they never taught me anything. And I love books I can fuck with them.

Stunned remark of the week

"Miss H, you are weird. You said you don't have a facebook and that you hated technology. But today's lesson was about social networking? And how come you own a blackberry? I was hoping that you own a 3310 when you said that."

Hall of shame for 10 seconds to gather up resources for the response to that.

Feathers

2011-03-06T02:58:00.007+08:00

So, Black Swan.

Watched it, love it, gruesome, dark, grotesque, but love it.

Very disturbing. A lot of self-touching, bones, feathers, ballets, cuts, bruises, knives, and insanity.

Great cinematography and sound effects and awesome cast from Natalie Portman.

*Applause*

Kinda reminded me of our own Malay traditional dances. How some type of dances are "owned" by some spirits, and for perfectness of the routine, there's more than just the dancer who dances. I still remembered how Pewaris always begins and ends dancing practice with Al-Fatihah and some doa selamat. An act of honoring the soul of the dance and to be protected by unwanted things happen. So that the souls/ spirits won't get mad. You know, sometimes when it's been a while the souls haven't been dancing they can't help to join us dancing as well and disturbing the dancers and sometimes our trainer or Maam (beloved choreographer) could see 11 person dancing Inang when actually there are only 10 of us. Sometimes when we were all dancing on the auditorium, the lights die out suddenly and when maam "talked" a little and ask "them" to stop playing, the lights would be on again. Maam would fell quiet suddenly and we would all stop and sit, and recite Ayat Kursi.

I miss dancing.

and Pewaris.

In Your Headddd.

2011-03-06T02:45:00.001+08:00

Everytime I watch his videos I can't help but to kill him for the hilarious-ity.

c'est formidable!

2011-03-04T23:25:00.004+08:00

Never Let Me Go , a book by Kazuo Ishiguro. I read the book somewhere in 2007. The first Japanese writer that I've ever tried. And I love it. Eversince, I've been interested in some Japanese translated writer. Haruki Murakami, Natsuo Kirino. There's something different about how these books are written. Dark, different, unique, solemn, sorrow, and hollow.

Never Let Me go will be released on the 12th March in Malaysia though it it had been released months earlier in other countries. Can't wait. Have been hearing good reviews about the movie.

It has Keira Knightly in it.

Happy weekend everyone.

This is my 4th Saturday for the month without holiday.

FML.

I still have about 20 books unread.

I think the number won't even get halved for the next 4 years.

tak susah kan?

2011-03-04T21:53:00.001+08:00

the reason to live for the time being

pebbles

2011-03-02T20:46:00.000+08:00

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone

-from my Moleskine I'm not sure where I got it from.

Dear Diary

2011-03-01T01:18:00.006+08:00

Dear blog,

How're you. I hope you're fine. Readers? I hope you're fine too.

Sorry for the haitus. Life has been treating me decently. That's the best I can put it in words. Though I'd rather be somewhere else right now (career wise) but I think what I'm having now is not that bad. I watched No 4 last weekend at GSC. Quite awesome, but having aliens in there was quite a turn off. I don't believe in aliens and UFO's. But I believe in The Magical World of Harry Potter. I'm looking forward to watching Burlesque (thanks for the spelling correction, mister =p) and the Black Swan. I am more attracted to The Black Swan because it's dancing and ballet, and Natalie Portman. It's been awhile since I dance. I missed dancing. So much. I can barely even take care of myself now cos my daily days are very hectic I can't even feed myself properly. There's this woman at school who look so beautiful everyday with proper beautiful colourful make up I wonder how she made time for that. I can't remember when was the last time I used the hair-dryer , curling thongs, and straightening irons. I can only pull my hair to a school girl pony-tail now that the kids dubbed me a form 5. And the kids are loving my ribbons. The fortune teller I met last 4 years did somewhat prophesized this. That I'll have a hard time for my first career and that he's effing far. He said "first career" meaning I'll have another one? So looking forward to that one. I wonder where are you old man. I hope you're dead. If you're dead, I hope you're in heaven. I don't really believe in you. I think what you prophesized was purely accidental. He even said my hands attracts wealth but I will fail if I open a business because I'll lose a lot of money because of my generosity. I'm not sure though, about that last remark.

Hehe.

Sincerely yours,

Hani Nor.

takde lagi benda lagi hebat nak cerita hari ni.

2011-02-26T14:26:00.001+08:00

Me: Hey, I haven't seen you in my class before. You're new. 2 weeks tak datang sekolah?

Him: I was busy playing golf for tournament then I went to China.

Me: Oh. Welcome to my English class.

=D

2011-02-23T16:14:00.001+08:00

Life has been so fast I can't caught it in words. But I tell you, nothing's interesting.

Except Brulesque and The Black Swan soon.

You. You know who. Bila? Roger.

Duduk kat rumah tu bukan buat apa.

Musim durian. Aku tau.

I smiled everytime I play this video

2011-02-23T10:32:00.000+08:00

I can make it through the rain

2011-02-18T16:56:00.002+08:00

sekolah

2011-02-11T21:35:00.003+08:00

First day of school.

Nothing much.

Just Starbucks and the beach after school with a friend.

And playing dress up in Forever 21 and Topshop.

Nak beli, takde duit. Sian.

Next Monday, GSC after school okay?

and Paddington Pancakes.

What I learned today

2011-02-09T09:51:00.001+08:00

"Pasanglah kabel besar mana pun, tapi kalau kabel yang atas sana tu tak ON, memang tak boleh pergi mana"
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

To Marionette in France

2011-02-06T20:59:00.001+08:00

"Starting tomorrow. Pray for me. I'm scared. All in a sudden I felt everything is just so not right at the moment. I think I'm about to cry typing this message. Hope all is well for you, dear."

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Babe, see you tomorrow

2011-02-06T20:34:00.001+08:00

"A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love only to find out in the end that was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now, he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now."

Naima Rahman (bukan nama sebenar).

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything

2011-02-05T10:53:00.012+08:00

Remuera Intermediate, Auckland, NZ : The girl on top came first to me and said "Hey, we have the same hair!"*showing her bangs

SMK Seri Mutiara, Cheras. Miss you guys so much.

Remember the time when I can't wait for posting? Well, it's here already. This Monday. I was more excited and scared and thrilled for my practicum than this one. I guess I haven't overcome my teaching angst yet though I'm graduating this May. Pujuk hati ni setiap hari. Setiap hari pujuk hati ni. Moga Tuhan saja yang tahu jalan hidup. Pujuk hati harap apa yang tuhan hamparkan ini adalah yang terbaik. Keep the faith going. In the end, that's the only one we have to keep us going.

Finally, the journey that we thought has come to an end, opens up a new path for another new journey to begin. This time though, reality checks in. No more playing around, welcome to the unknown. As many as my friends are so thumped up with preparation for the big day of school, I really hope that this journey that we set our foots in, is a great one. New things and experience to offer. Walk along the winding road and stumbled upon rocks but also with the hope beautiful flowers do bloom somewhere along the way. It's good to know that we have beautiful people around us to support, for encouragement. When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. When we hold each other it makes us feel safe, and also better.

Sometimes we can choose the paths we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all. This morning I got a PM from a friend on FB. I don't want to say that I understand you, because I am clearly not in your position to be feeling the same way. Only you, yourself know how it feels. Because we talked a lot about life and expectations (which I still remember clearly as we kind of think the same way), while you were around (we were around). I do feel a little, of what you are feeling, dear. At points like this, which I thought that I've overcome it, the mind often wanders to that realm that I tried to push away. Dude, 5 tahun pun tak cukup ke untuk kau sedar dan terima pilihan kau ni. It's not about regrets. It's about reevaluating choices and actions - and making sense of it. I don't wanna grow old thinking of how things could've been different if I've chosen another path. That's not a happy life. Life is too short to make it wasted.

A great portion of us (I heard more than 30 of us) were sent to JB. When I heard that, my heart kinda sank. Isn't that awesome? 30 bachelors and bachelorettes (well most of them - i think . Hehe.) will be going to Johore. And wait for the awesome-ness - they are also posted to the same vicinity. Awesome, kan. The government have been quite , how I would say "kind" this year. Not many of us sent far for home (or rural) or, to the Borneo. Smells like election's coming. Eherm. I've already registered as a voter. Have you? (Ceh, iklan tiba-tiba).

For wherever God has laid path us to, I think He does have plans. And for whatever consequences that follow after that is because of our choice, and for every little moment that happen soon after, would make up for a good story of your life. It's amazing when how we would like to accept for whatever that happens (which mostly of that you don't really favour of), we put God's name on it. Often, when in distress, we turn to God more than we turn to him when we are happy. It is good to know that there's always a higher being to turn to when you just feel so lost. I kinda think about God lately now. Waddduupp??! *looking up.

For wherever that we got posted, be it in the city, the rural areas, orang asli, places with no Starbucks, no Tom Yam, no bookstores , or no familiar faces to be with, I think we would do great. Just hang on there. Though some might think it's easy for me to say cos I'll be sent to a city, where everything you can ask for is nearby. But sometimes I wish I could be sent to Sabah or Sarawak just for the experience. Well, I'm not sure of whether I will like it either ways. Just hoping there is more that life could offer for this period of time. Well, on the bright side, we are starting getting paid this February (though the pay might come through later that it should be).

Focus on the solution. I guess there is one option. So the next plan that I am so hoping I can get a start ofF after getting my degree this May (hopefully) is that I want to get started with my Masters - I would like to gear it full speed before the spirit fades out. There's always USM on the reach.

For those awesome teachers to be, giddy up, mate.

Lets Rock n Roll.

waka waka

2011-02-04T14:36:00.002+08:00

The last time I had an official Islamic studies class was during the year 2007.

With Ustaz X. Everyone was in favour of this one particular Ustaz Y. Kacak, Bergaya, X Factor, Smart, Ex-military. So you got the picture. Isy. Astaga. Pergi kelas agama untuk tujuan yang salah. Apa nak jadi ni. Well, no. It's motivation. Hehe. And he tells beautiful stories too. I only managed to attend only once of Ustaz Y class because Ustaz X was absent.

Ustaz X is not really an Ustaz of my favour. He was Okay, but he likes to talk about politics during Islamic Studies, which I certainly don't find amusing - politics during Islamic studies (like what???). If I would like to know about politics I wouldn't really have to go for Islamic studies. I can just open TV3 and national TV n national newspaper. He likes to talk about all the current political issues and would relate to himself and also telling us how much connection he had in the government and that everyone in there is his friend. Politics is politics and don't jumbled it up with religion. It's two different entities.

Completely.

I didn't really remember if we really learned anything except that we discussed on the matter Lina Joy and PEKIDA for one whole semester. One effing semester of Lina Joy. Until 2 years later, Lina Joy did won anyway.Well, we didn't really discussed, but more of "ceramah" Lina Joy by him everytime. Not everything was bad about the classes, but I do want to thank him for introducing us to this one particular person. A well-known-ed Islamic scholar, the late Ahmad Deedat. I was looking forward to his classes everytime , if only he would bring us to the "bilik tayangan" for Ahmad Deedat videos.

For those who are not familiar with the name here's from Wikipedia :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahmed_Deedat

Well, you could also find his very enlightenment videos from Youtube as well.

The way he speaks is captivating and he was most admired for his calmness in debating. He memorized both the sayings of Al-Quran and the Bible. He's quite awesome.

It is widely believed that knowing and understanding religion is an on going process. It is even more harder when you are just born with it, and because of that, we don't really think there is a need of searching meaning for it. Well, we have seen our old folks, and they're doing just fine. Just do what there is, and we'll be safe. But I'm not sure whether of it is enough. There were times, when I was in Primary school, the Ustaz said that God created us and I asked, then who created God? And Ustaz said God just exists, no one created him. I remembered we also learned about the food chain during Science, and I told the Ustaz about the food chain and that everything has a certain order. I told him God must have come from somewhere. The Ustaz didn't really have an answer. He just said God exists, alone.

Then, I realized, you can't think of that too much. Cos you'll go crazy. Something must have started from something. And that something could have been from nothing. Like the world and the Big Bang Theory.

Cerita lain.

Probably I'm the last person to know this but there is this particular famous English Teacher in Youtube named Cikgu Shida. I don't want to comment further. Sampai situ saja.

Search on youtube and see for yourselves.

Have a nice Friday everyone!!!

bes glew oh. comey sgt.

2011-02-04T10:31:00.012+08:00

#2

"Asyik dok makan kat Market Ikan Manhattan. TGI Jumaat. Resepi Rahsia".

From #3

"Now you might be wondering. Why is that Anwar Hadi not out in town partying.
Well that's because I'm a good boy.
And good boys don't go partying on new years? No no no.
Instead, they stay home all alone and talk to their camera."

Dang. Damn. Haha.

That's from IniAnwarHadi from Youtube.

He's hilarious. Nasib baik kau 20 tahun.

and tengok Astroboy. And he puts up a contest for those who answers his question right would have to buy a hoodie for him, and got to be his best friend. OMG. Tak tahan.

But he reads "Islam in Malaysia :Perception and Facts by Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin ".

Hoh.

Jap nak ambik balik buku berhabuk tu dalam almari.